God Offended Me; I Want My Revenge! 

Just before you start questioning my sanity, let me say upfront that I am sane and very conscious of what I am saying and I reiterate my first statement: “God offended me and I want my revenge!”

Perhaps some are familiar with a certain song (in Yoruba) with same title. For those who have no clue, let me humour you.

There’s this story of a king, in faraway kingdom, who had a very beautiful eligible daughter. One day, the king had a ‘when are you bringing a suitor home’ tete-a-tete with his daughter and to his utmost surprise, the daughter told him she was only interested in marrying a MAN OF GOD. She asked the father to help her search his kingdom for such a man.

“A Man of God? How do I go about finding a true man of God?” This became the king’s waking and sleeping thoughts and musings, until one day, he came up with a clever plan and decided to enlist a prominent soldier in his kingdom as the executioner of his plan.

The king told the soldier, “My beautiful daughter has made a rare request and I must grant her wish, but you will be the one to help.”

“Long, live O king,” the soldier bowed in obeisance to the king, “what is the princess’ request and what shall I do to help? Command your servant and consider it done.”

The king proceeded to tell his plan to the soldier. He told him that they must conduct a test to get a true man of God among the people in the kingdom. The soldier was to get to church very early on Sunday morning, armed with guns, knives, spears, arrows, and other ammunitions. His task was simple: “Block the main entrance to church and ask people coming in for their status, whether they are for God or not.” Tell them, “I have a grouse with God, He offended me, and I am here to take revenge on anyone who is a man of God.” According to the king’s hypothesis, anyone who can boldly declare himself a man of God in spite of guns and spears is a man of God indeed and will be worthy of his daughter’s hand in marriage.

Sunday morning came and the soldier was at his duty post – church entrance. The first set of people to appear in church was the choir. They were singing high praises as they trooped into the church premises.

“Halt!” The soldier stopped them in their tracks and demanded to know who belonged to God because he planned to use such a-one to settle scores with God. Come and see relay race on Sunday morning! If it were the Olympics, choir members would have returned with gold medals. They ran so fast that they dropped the guitar and key to the grand piano. Other church workers came and acted same way once they heard the soldier’s verdict.

The priest, his neck decked with a collar, also showed up. When the soldier told him his urgent mission, the priest’s usual high-pitched tone dropped so low, one could barely make out what he said. He pleaded softly, “My guy, Mr. Soldier, sir, abeg, na transfer dem transfer me come here and I plan to return home. Death no dey part of my calling o. Erm, my oga at the top, abeg, as I receive this call so, I no receive death join am. In fact, I no know God and this collar wey dey my neck sef, na joke I dey take am joke oooo.” The priest solemnly swore he wasn’t a man of God. Many others who came after him did same.

Just when the soldier thought he wouldn’t find anyone brave enough to declare association with God, a man (with a rare faith) made his way to church and when confronted with the same situation, he boldly declared himself a man of God, saying, “Who will SEPARATE me from the love of Christ? Will trouble, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? NO, in all these things I have complete victory through Him who loved me.”

Of course, you can guess the end of the story. The soldier took the man to the king, a captive, not ashamed or afraid of his association with God. Many felt sorry for him and thought he wasn’t smart like others. Many criticized him and called him a fanatic who was well deserving of whatever punishment came to him. However, the story changed as the king acknowledged him as a true man of God and proclaimed him the king’s honourable son-in-law.

I wonder how many present day mega ‘MOG’ will wait in the face of such (hypothetical)  confrontation. Me nko? You nko??

Hmm, Olúwa sàánú.

Óyá, lemme coman be going. I remembered Niyi Adedokun’s song (Ólórun se mí ò, mo sì fé gba èsan ní t’émi) ni o and said to share with y’all.?

Ire ò!

© 2017 AyotundeElegbeleye
Jesus is LORD!

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