I was on a Facebook post on Sunday where the topic was the abolishment of bride price in traditional marriages as “the implication of the bride’s price is like paying for a person”.
This was my initial comment
“I am indifferent about bride price, honestly. Where I come from, after the man pays the bride price, the father of the lady returns the money, telling him that he isn’t selling his child… So, if the groom does anyhow, he can’t claim that because he paid a bride price, he can treat the lady anyhow. If my people charged an unreasonable bride price, I will skip the entire traditional marriage drama and do a “court wedding”… Let me see who will call police….”
Someone asked “How about bride list? Do your people demand a list of things from prospective in laws? Do they also return these items?”
Before I could respond, someone had helped me with “It has been modernized. Gifts are now being exchanged so it’s not just the groom giving gifts, the bride’s family gives a thank you gift as well.”
I added “What I disagree with is being coerced to do anything. What we couldn’t afford, we didn’t do. Anyone that wanted us to do anything we couldn’t afford got the invoice as their contributions to the wedding. Those that had mind footed the bill; those that didn’t have the mind/means kept their mouths shut… No time to check time…”
Someone responded with “Paid returned, money still exchanged hands, hangling went on, a human being was reduced to money and gifts”
This was my response “I think we were not coerced sha. If someone feels strongly enough about it, I recommend that they shouldn’t do it at all… That’s where I stand on bride price for now… Someone can make the same argument for money changing hands on footballers but what is my own?”
The response to that was “So when they write the list the groom can ignore it and come empty handed abi?”
I responded with “For us, we negotiated the list. We discussed what we could afford and my people understood what was coming off the initial list they gave us. If the groom is coming empty-handed, skip the traditional marriage and head to the registry na.”
We went back and forth but thankfully, we both have mutual respect so we left the matter there. There was a comment about people being forced to do traditional marriage.
The comment I made there that I want to share here is below. I have italicized (and ‘bolded’ abi how do I put it?) the bit I would love the whole world to hear. That’s what I wanted to share on Facebook but I didn’t because I don’t want to break the internet. Lol.
“If you are going to do the traditional, I think it is fair to do what the tradition demands. If you don’t like the tradition, don’t do it. It is not the ONLY form of marriage. If it was, I’ll agree with the force bit.
I’m not really a fan of traditional marriage. I did it only because my husband wanted it. I don’t really care about it and I think we should actively work towards its demise.
“I honestly don’t see its value in today’s world. It offers no protection in the event of a breach. I think it is much ado about nothing.” (This bit was added at the time of putting together the blog post)
“I honestly don’t see its [traditional marriage] value in today’s world. It offers no protection in the event of a breach. I think it is much ado about nothing.”
Don’t get me wrong… If I can manage to overcome my weekend lethargy and come for the occasion, I’ll rock the ‘owambe’ like there’s no tomorrow o. So, don’t let this be your excuse not to invite me for your traditional wedding o… Hehehehe…
This is the point where I’ll tell you all that this is not my real face. Thank God I’m a guest writer here. You people should cool down and disagree amicably. Me, I no dey house. I have gone to check if the “Amen” I typed before “rapture” has yielded a CREDIT alert, lol.
Welcome to my world!
© 2017 AMA