Pot of Beans

The amphitheatre was crowded, hot, and rowdy. Body odour with different flavours oozed as sweaty bodies crammed together. Some people also entertained themselves with hashish in one corner, increasing the stench in the room. Discomfort registered in Sade’s guts. She felt nauseated. She told Febi that she didn’t want to attend the show but Febi dragged her there.

“You don’t want to miss this one, it’s the grandmaster of shows,” Febi tried persuading Sade.

“What’s the big deal?” Sade asked.

Febi went on and on about how the biggest and trending musicians would perform at the show as if Sade cared. She’d rather enjoy the comfort of her bed than jump up and down in a crowded space, screaming her lungs out. The show was also scheduled for Sunday evening, when she should be resting. As a matter of fact, she’d rather save her money for something more profitable. “I don’t have money,” Sade complained. Febi would have none of that, she hounded her to the point of surrender.

Sade’s stomach grumbled. Initially, she thought her intestines reacted to the stench in the room but soon realized that it was an aftermath of the beans she ate the night before and just about an hour before she allowed Febi drag her to the amphitheatre. Another grumble; louder, this time. She turned to tell Febi that the show was over for her and she needed to check out but her friend had somehow gone out of sight. Sade instinctively knew that Febi was among the frenzy dancers that gathered by the stage but getting hold of her would be like fighting the Armageddon war.

Her stomach growled again, then again, and again, rumble after rumble. Even with the deafening noise in the amphitheatre, the rumble was loud enough to reach the ears of those in close proximity. Pairs of eyes glued to her as her stomach shamelessly protested. With a poker face, she pretended like the rumble wasn’t from her but Mother Nature had other plans. In no time, the rumbling made its way through her intestines to the rectum. Loo calleth!

She tried stalling the higher call of nature as she continuously discharged ‘bean fragrance’ into the atmosphere but when the content of her bowels threatened to spill out, she blindly found her way out of the amphitheatre, held her bum to prevent spillage, and ran in the direction of the loo. She stumbled into one, found a toilet bowl and emptied her bowels with growls and rumbles that could be heard miles away. After what seemed like eternity, she finally rid her bowel of waste product. She sighed in sweet relief. When she stepped out to wash her hands, she sensed movement in one of the toilets. Flush. Father! She thought she was alone. Did someone hear all that ‘rumble in the bronx’? Chisos!

Sade thought of quickly stepping back into the toilet to avoid being seen and was still dilly-dallying when the occupant of the other toilet stepped out. A guy. How? Then it dawned on her that she entered the ‘gents’ in her blinded haste. Wharraheck?! She secretly hoped ‘bros’ would not recognise her – perhaps an outsider who attended the show or someone whose path had never crossed hers in her three years on campus but when she locked eyes with the guy who just witnessed her ‘mess’, she begged the ground to open so she could just fall in and disappear.

There, locking eyes with her, was the cute Med student she had secretly admired and befriended in her imagination. Any time he visited his younger cousin who stayed in the same hostel as Sade, word would somehow spread that the cute, brilliant Med student was around. He usually sat with his cousin in the quadrangle, same as most people who leisured in the evenings, and Sade would position herself to catch a glimpse of him. They had never met but she had imagined several sweet scenarios of how they’d meet and none of those imaginations remotely looked like what just happened. Yeepa! She wished the ground would just open and swallow her!! Her secret crush would never see her in an admirable way again; any time he sees her, she’d remind him of ‘shit’. “Why are you so cruel to me, Mother Nature? Oh shit!” Sade groaned.

The guy mumbled something and quickly left, like he couldn’t bear to stay in the same space with her. Her heart sank. “This is Febi’s fault,” she thought to herself. “I told her I didn’t want to attend the stupid show. If she had let me be, I would have attended to the urgent call of nature in my ‘natural habitat’ and wouldn’t have had reason to embarrass my generation in front of my secret crush. Aswear, Febi will pay!”

Sade didn’t go back to the amphitheatre. She couldn’t stand the rowdiness for another minute. Besides, she was still smarting from her loo experience and blamed Febi. Part of Febi’s punishment was leaving without her. “Febi will work herself to a frenzy looking for me,” she smiled wickedly.

Febi scolded Sade when she got back to the hostel. “You know you’re not nice, right? Why did you leave without me? I searched all over for you.”

“Why the search? You should have known that I left. I didn’t want to be there in the first place,” Sade retorted.

“Why won’t I? We went there together, it’s the rational thing to do. You should have told me you were leaving. Courtesy demands that.”

“How would I have found you when you were lost in a sea of people? You were busy and I was bored, what did you expect me to do? Allow the crowd stampede me because I have to take ‘permission to fall out’? Please don’t scold me, I’m not your child.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. Why are you angry with me, though? There’s so much anger in your voice.”

“Why won’t I be angry when you dragged me to that show to be embarrassed.”

“Me? Embarrass you? How?”

Sade narrated her ‘ordeal’. Febi laughed her to scorn.

“Yes, go ahead and laugh at my predicament,” Sade mourned.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to but I can’t help it. Forgive me.” Febi laughed some more. “Maybe you’ll get your head out of the cloud now that you’ve met prince charming in the most awkward way.” Another round of laughter.

“You’re just jealous,” Sade pouted.

Laughter.

To be cont’d…

© 2019 AyotundeElegbeleye

Jesus is LORD!


*Yeepa! – a painful exclamation.

2 thoughts on “Pot of Beans

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