Back Off!


Come see me see this dude oooo, he obviously doesn’t know that there is something called ‘personal space’ and if you’re not invited, you should simply step back.images (2)

Some weeks ago, on one hot afternoon like that, I was dashing to my crib to pick something when this guy approached me and asked for ‘food’ money. No be say I know this guy o, but since he was obviously one of the security guards stationed at my residential area, I decided to attend to his need. I went in, picked what I came for and on my way out, gave him some money – possibly beyond what he was hoping for – and that was my singular mistake, make una help me for this matter ooo.

Two days after that, he came around my place to say, “Thank you.” I told him, “Thank God.” Some days later, on my way out, he approached me, greeted me, and said, “Aunty please I want to see you.” I thought to myself, “Onibara e n b’ole bo o,” (hmmm, he’s after something now o) but obliged him anyway. I asked him what he wanted and he said he would like me to help him secure a job for his younger sib. “See me see this guy o, is there a vacancy signpost on my forehead ni?”

I told him I’m not an employer – not yet – and he said he wanted me to help find out if there was vacancy at my place of work bla bla bla. I needed to get going so I told him I’d find out for him. He requested to have my number (so he could call to confirm if I got anything for his sib), I declined. I told him I’d let him know of any development. Two nights later, I heard a knock on my door. I peeped and it was this guy….

Me: Yes, good evening, how may I help you?
I was clearly irritated. Which kin tinz be dis na?
Guy: Good evening ma. I just wanted to know how far with the job thing.
Me: Sorry, but I don’t have information about any vacancy.
Guy: Please aunty, please help me, in any way you can.
Me: What do you want me to do? I said I’m not an employer. Where do I get a job for your sib?”
Guy: Okay ma. Please, I need another favour from you.
“Hmmmm, bobo yi ti n gbe saara e koja mosalasi (this guy is overstepping his boundary).” I was still very much irritated but I obliged him all the same.
Me: What other favour?
Guy: Err…erm, the thing is I want to learn how to drive….
“That’s it! If you want to learn how to drive nko? Do I look like the proprietress of a driving school ni?” He was clearly suggesting I gave him access to my car for his driving lessons—-perhaps I would also be his tutor, kwa? What nonsense! “Come sef, ojo wo la bere love ta n kiss gan (when did this over familiarity start)? Mtcheeeew.”

I told him off, quite politely – said I was sorry but not a chance! Since then, he’s just been a constant pain in the neck. If he is going in a different direction, and he sees me approaching, he’ll do a u-turn (or whatever degree) and head in my direction. Can’t people ever learn to maintain their boundary? Na to do good samaritan now, na im be my sin ooo, abi no be so? No wonder some people don’t bother with acts of kindness, abi when you help someone and he turns himself to a leech, how you wan take do that one na?

I had been telling myself, “I need to put this guy in his place. I acted in kindness and that’s it. I did not invite him to my personal space. He is clearly invading my space, he is not welcome and he’s got to stop,” but I never got round to doing it. You see, most times, I simply don’t know how to be rude or brash or even blunt (although there have been times I tossed it…hehe). I so wish I could be ‘mean’ in certain situations and not give a care but it’s not really second nature. The other day, I was on my way out and as soon as I stepped into the car, trying to warm it up before moving it, I saw him do his characteristic u-turn. I didn’t wait for the car to warm up anymore o, I stepped on the accelerator and sped off….hahaha.

So, I finally had my moment – yesterday. I came home and as I walked from the car towards my crib, he appeared from nowhere, like a stalker. “Here we go again #sorollingmyeyes.” He came towards me and offered to help me with what I was carrying. I declined. He left – or so I thought. As soon as I stepped out he appeared again and said he wanted to see me. I asked him what he wanted and he started mumbling something unclear. I kept walking towards the car and he followed suit. I stepped into the car and when he would not leave, I lowered the window and asked, “Ehen, what is it that you want me to do for you this time?” He said, “Ehn, it’s that I am broke and I think you may……”

I didn’t allow him land o. I gave him some tutorials on keeping to one’s boundary. Although I told him, half-hearted, that I would give him whatever I had to give when I returned, I made myself clear that I was not appreciative of him trying to choke himself into my personal space, which I so happen to place premium value on. I haven’t seen him since then but I do hope he got the message loud and clear. I strongly need him to read in between the lines and understand that though I spoke in soft tones as nicely I could, what I really meant was an irritable, “Dude, back off!”
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Phew! Some people can so suck the very life out of you….iiiissssh!

AyotundeElegbeleye 2015©
Jesus is LORD!

5 thoughts on “Back Off!

  1. Lol! I didn’t wait for the car to warm up any more o, I stepped on the accelerator and sped off…hahaha
    No be small stalker, I think you need a pesticide ‘cos he’s clearly a pest

    1. Hahahahaha.I don buy raid now, if I see him anywhere round me, I go spray am for face…lol. I haven’t seen him since then o, hopefully, the message was clear enough for him to take off. E better like dat sef cos then I wouldn’t have to resort to ‘high handedness’ to get him off my back.

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