The adventures of Solape and her identical twin siblings Ololade and Omolola. She came 14 months after they were born and bear striking resemblance to them so she easily passes off as their triplet and ÈKÉTA OMO.
(Solape in Dave’s room)
Solape: Choi, I don almost forget wetin bring me come here sha.
Dave: (laughs) You be aproko mama na, you can’t pass up a good gist. Wetin bring you come o?
Dave: Is she okay?
Solape: She’s okay, just a little iiisssh.
Dave: What’s that?
Solape: Someone is trying to swindle her and I need your help.
Dave: What happened?
Solape: She lent someone like that some money but it seems this person doesn’t have plans of paying her back. The yeye debtor is not even remorseful, she’s acting all dodgy and cocky. I detest that.
Dave: I can imagine. That’s not a nice attitude from a debtor. Why do people behave that way, though?
Solape: Help me ask them o. When they want to borrow money, they will be gentle but when it’s time to pay, they will tear face. It’s ridiculous.
Dave: Let’s even say the borrower can’t meet up with payment for one reason or the other, they should at least show that they have it in mind to pay and reassure the lender of same instead of keeping mute about it or acting all dodgy and sometimes, haughty…on top another person money.
Solape: Some don’t even intend to pay back. Their wish is for the lender to overlook or forget. Evil people everywhere.
Dave: (laughs) Human beings, chai!
Solape: I’m really pissed at the moment. That yeye geh shouldn’t even think for one moment that she won’t pay. She will pay! (hisses)
Dave: What’s your plan to make her pay? I’m in.
Solape: Good. She sells perfume.
Solape: You will buy and not pay.
Dave: Haaa! You wan make them beat ‘don’t be silly’ out of me? (laughs)
Solape: (laughs) It won’t be a bad idea na. Every silly spirit in you will disappear after the beating.
Dave: Thanks, but no thanks. Mi o se. I no do.
Solape: Ahn ahn, o se kini, you no do wetin? Don’t be silly jare.
Dave: But seriously, iyen ma le di e o, that’s kinda hard to do nau. I will go to her shop, pick a bottle of perfume and walk away without paying? Don’t be deceived by these muscles o (flexes muscle), na shakara oloje.
Solape: A s’o ti e le, you no try at all, you just pack muscles for decoration.
Dave: How I for do, my sister?
Solape: Anyway, it’s not what you think so don’t be afraid.
Dave: Oh okay. It better not be.
Solape: (giggles) Fear, fear.
Dave: Ah, I fear o. You want to de-rep me ke. You wan make people dey use thief describe me? Ka ma ri, impossicant!
Solape: Kai, and I thought you were tough! Okay, here’s the deal…
Dave: Tell me.
Solape: There’s no physical shop. She carries them around with her…the ones she can carry. Some times, people pay cash on the spot or use POS. Other times, they place an order, make payment and get their package delivered.
Dave: What option are we settling for?
Solape: The idea is to lure her out in the first place.
Dave: You think it’ll be easy to walk away with her goods without causing a scene?
Solape: I’ve done my homework. Molola told me she’s ALWAYS unavailable on Fridays but in ’emergency’ situations, she has someone, more like a makeshift sales girl, who helps her market her goods to potential buyers. When you call her, insist on transacting business tomorrow. When you meet the sales girl, pick the perfumes you supposedly want to buy and I’ll handle the rest.
Dave: I’m buying more than one perfume?
Solape: Yes nau. You’re buying perfumes worth about 70k or more. I hear say most of her perfumes are expensive. Find out the prices and pick as many as will cover the amount.
Dave: Yes boss! When does this mission start?
Solape: Right away. (gives Dave her phone) Find ‘madam perfume’ on the contact list and call her. Use SIM 2, she can’t have the remotest idea of that number. Her name is Vivian. Tell her you want to buy perfume. Convince her. You are a guy na, you sabi toast woman, switch on your charm.
Dave: Hmm…I thought you women always deny our charm. You claim it doesn’t work on you.
Solape: It will work on this one. She’s greedy.
(Dave dials Vivian aka ‘madam perfume’. She picks)
Dave: Hello. My name is Ikechukwu, please am I speaking with ms. Vivian?
Vivian: Yes, please. How may I help you?
Dave: A friend gave me your contact details, he told me you sell the best perfumes around.
Vivian: (smiles) Your friend told you the truth. If you’re searching for exquisite perfume, then I am your girl.
Dave: Good! That’s what I like to hear. I want to get perfumes for the women in my life; my girlfriend, mum and two sisters.
Vivian: Wow, you’re a cool dude.
Dave: (smiles) I try my best. By the way, I want different types for each of them.
Vivian: You got it!
David: Do you have for guys? I’d like to get one for my dad…maybe pick for myself too.
Vivian: I have all you need.
Dave: Perfect! Where can we meet tomorrow so I can see what you’ve got?
Vivian: Hmm, tomorrow isn’t quite okay for me. How about day after tomorrow?
Dave: Oops! Unfortunately, I won’t be available day after tomorrow. I’m travelling on Sunday and I need to sort out some stuff before travelling. This is more like a last-minute shopping thing.
Dave: Well, if tomorrow isn’t okay, I’ll just go to a super mall or something. I guess we’ll do business some other time.
Vivian: No o, haba! You want to go and spend my money somewhere else? (laughs) Can I ask someone to bring them?
Dave: Why not? Sure!
Vivian: Okay then. Where is the person I’m sending meeting you? I prefer open spaces, if you don’t mind.
Dave: Definitely! I prefer open spaces too.
Vivian: We speak the same language, that’s cool. Tomorrow, then.
(They agree on a meeting point and time. The next day, the sales girl meets Dave and Solape)
Dave: (to sales girl) Hello, I’m Ikechukwu. Are you the person from Vivian?
Sales girl: Yes, I am. Hello.
Dave: (points to Solape) This is my friend, she came to help me pick out the nicest of your perfumes, hope you don’t mind.
Sales girl: (smiles) No problem.
(After much enquiries sandwiched in compliments, they pick 5 bottles of perfume totalling 75k. Dave requests for POS and pretends to bring out a MasterCard from his wallet. Solape pulls the bottles very close)
Solape: (to sales girl) In fact, I really like your products, I don’t mind doing business with you guys. Emm, could you please call your madam, I have a quick deal to offer her.
(Sales girl calls Vivian)
Vivian: Hello. What’s up? Have you met with that guy?
Sales girl: Yes ma. Someone wants to talk to you ma. (gives phone to Solape)
Solape: Hello, madam Vivian
Vivian: Hello. Who am I speaking with, please?
Solape: This is Molola Harrison’s sister. I called you the other day, remember?
Vivian: Yes, and I remember telling you not to call me about that matter again. Didn’t you hear me the first time? By the way, what are you doing with my sales girl?
Solape: Drop your arrogant nonsense, madam debtor. If you haven’t figured it out, let me humour you…I have your perfumes in my custody, 5 of them and they cost 75k. How about that?
Vivian: What are you talking about?
Solape: You think you’re the only smart person on earth, shey? Well, I am smarter. The guy you sent your sales girl to is my guy and for your information, he works with the Police.
Vivian: You this…
Solape: (cuts in) Here’s what’s gonna happen. You either pay my sister the 50k you owe her or I sell your perfumes to raise the money and keep the change. Your choice.
Vivian: Wait, let’s…
Solape: (cuts in again) You have between today and tomorrow to do as you’re told.
Vivian: I’m not even around at the moment.
Solape: That’s why there’s mobile banking. Do the needful, missus. Between today and tomorrow, no more, no less. After tomorrow, your perfumes go on sale.
Solape: Do we have a deal?
Solape: Well, it’s up to you. Just remember that the Police is already involved. The choice is yours. Bye madam Vivian. (cuts the call and hands phone back to wide-eyed sales girl) Sorry to have dragged you into this (Solape’s eyes pleads with sales girl), your madam caused it. I hope she won’t take it out on you but if she does, my friend here is with the Police, you can use his services. It’s been nice doing business with you, ma’am.
(On their way back)
Dave: Chai, you be confirmed cray cray geh. Where did you pull the Police stuff from?
Solape: Omo, me sef didn’t see that one coming o. The idea just jumped at me and I used it to my advantage. She’ll think twice before trying to call my bluff or box me into a corner. She kuku no see you, there’s no way for her to verify whether na true or false.
Dave: I hope it works sha.
Solape: Oh ye of little faith, it will surely work. Trust me.
Dave: (throws mock salute) Yes boss!
Dave: It was fun to outsmart her like that sha. It’ll be nice for Lola to have her money back.
(Saturday evening. Ololade and Solape in the room. Omolola walks in singing a chorus)
Omolola: Come and join me sing alleluia, Jehovah Jireh has done me well…(dances)
Ololade: Ki la ri gbo? What’s the good news?
Solape: E je ko kari o. Let the good news go round.
Omolola: Lord, I thank You o. What I had given up on, You just did it like that. Ah, Oluwa e seun.
Solape: Tell us na, what did Oluwa do?
Ololade: Testimony time…
Solape: Victory time! Oya share, make we hear.
Omolola: Hmm, is it not just a moment ago, when I was jejely minding my business that I received a Whatsapp message from the one and only Vivian. (wide eyes for effect)
Ololade: Wetin she talk?
Solape: (smiles knowingly) Gbe si wa l’eti. Gist us.
Omolola: She said she just transferred money to my account, that I should confirm receipt.
Ololade: For real?
Omolola: Yes o, for real. True true, I hear ‘koro’ for my phone and what did I see? Credit alert of 50k. E wa b’ami gb’egba ope o, ye ye ye.
Ololade: Praaaaaaaaise Master Jesus!
Omolola & Solape: (in unison) Emem!
Omolola: I still can’t believe it. I actually thought that money was gone. Vivian can be troublesome when she wants to be and me, I cannot shout. I can’t fight, biko. I don will the money to her and gba kamu…eeiiish.
Ololade: Only God knows what made her change her mind cos from all indications, she wasn’t planning to pay back.
Solape: (smiles) God works in mysterious ways. (picks her phone and sends a message to Dave…)
© 2018 AyotundeElegbeleye
Jesus is LORD!