By the time Sade left the library in the afternoon, her stomach had begun another protest, but this time, it was hunger. She skipped dinner the night before because she didn’t want to upset her tummy further. She didn’t have breakfast either and planned to eat brunch but she stayed longer than usual in the library. She stopped by the cafeteria close to the library and settled for rice and beans. Oblivious to her immediate environment, she devoured her lunch with rapt attention until someone pulled out the chair directly opposite her. She looked up. “My God, who exactly did I offend?” she groaned inwardly.
“Hello,” he said. “May I sit here with you?”
Sade kept digging into her plate of rice and beans.
He sat. There was no plate in front of him, just a bottle.
“You didn’t answer my question,” he said. “I asked if I could sit with you.”
“You didn’t need an answer. You were going to sit anyway.”
He laughed. “That might be true but be nice, it doesn’t hurt no one.”
“Sure. You can start the niceness – stop stalking me!”
“I’m not stalking you. I’m here to relax, same as you.” He chugged his drink.
“Oh yeah? Did you miss your usual drinking and gbana spot?”
“As you can see, I don’t have a stick with me.”
“Good for you.” Sade continued digging into her plate.
He pressed on. “Besides, I’m at liberty to change spots, ain’t I?”
Sade made an attempt to stand. “I’m also at liberty to sit anywhere and eat without unwanted intrusion.”
He stopped her with his hand. “Don’t walk out on me, babe. Show some respect.”
“Get your hand off me.” Sade fumed inside but controlled herself. He did not budge but smiled lazily, eyes perusing her from top to bottom. Her skin crawled and she felt irritated to the bone. Kachi was her former room mate’s ex-boyfriend who thought she’d be willing to become his next conquest. Well, he thought wrong!
“And if I don’t?” Kachi maintained his demeanour.
In one fluid movement, Sade picked the bottle in front of Kachi and raised it, spilling some of its content. “Oh, you will by the time this lands on your head,” she fumed.
“Easy, easy,” Sade felt a grip on her wrist, “you’ll hurt someone badly if you do that.” The words came from someone who had somehow appeared by her side and held her hand before she did the unthinkable.
“Tell her Doc, tell her,” Kachi smirked, “she thinks she’s ghetto until she lands herself in trouble.”
Doc? Sade wondered who it was. She hoped it was not one of her lecturers. “Chai, my village people want to de-rep me by all means,” she thought to herself. She gingerly turned her head to see who it was and her heart momentarily stopped. When it started pumping again, she staggered forward, as if to faint, but was swiftly caught and steadied by Doc’s strong arms.
“Easy,” he said again as he helped her sit in same chair she stood from, “are you okay?” He removed the bottle from her hand and placed it on an adjacent table.
This time, She wished the ground would swallow her for real. Now, she was sure her village people were frantically after her because if they weren’t so bent on defaming her, her secret crush would not witness her ‘agbero’ stunt just a day after the disastrous loo experience. She not only made a terrible first impression, she topped it with a more distasteful second impression. “Kuku kee me,” she screamed inwardly.
“Ha, see person wey wan break bottle for someone head,” Kachi’s laugh was mirthless, “you better don’t faint here, I no fit carry person o.”
“Kachi, be a gentleman and stop disturbing the fine lady,” ‘Doc’ chided.
“Doki, doki,” Kachi hailed, “you sef sabi say she fine. I’m not disturbing her o, I only want to partake in the fineness ni.”
“It’s not by force, Kachi.”
“Dooooooc, you know na.”
“I don’t know anything. Okay, you need to go now, I have to attend to my patient.”
“Your patient? You know her?” Kachi queried.
His patient? Sade wondered how she suddenly became a patient – because she almost excreted her bowels yesterday or because she almost passed out in his arms today? Her eyes met his and he gave sign that suggested he was helping her get rid of Kachi.
“Yes, Kachi. What do you think I’m doing here?”
“You came to eat na. This place no resemble consultation room o, Doc.”
“Doctors are also allowed to eat and have informal follow-up discussions with patients.”
“Hmm, Doki, Doki. Okay o, if you say so. I’m out of here but tell your patient to soft pedal too. Na because she fine small I dey rush her like indomie o, make she no dey think say she be one kain Agbani Darego.”
“Kachi, leave my patient alone. She’s taken.”
“Haaa, Doki, Doki, I hear wetin you no talk o. Anyway, you be my person sha…do your thing.” Kachi exchanged handshakes with ‘Doc’ and made his way out of the cafeteria.
© 2019 AyotundeElegbeleye
Jesus is LORD!
Gbana – Substance of abuse; Agbero – Tout; Kuku kee me – Just kill me